The greatest words anyone has ever said to me were "never make someone your priority when all you are is their option." It's a phrase that's stuck with me from the moment I heard it. It's a phrase that I try to live by. It's a phrase that has kept me from many of broken hearts.
Thanx for the wise words Shaffon!
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
My Natural Hair Journey
So, as of October 2012, I have been natural for two years! Yay! Go Me #TeamQuaneeOverHere!!! LOL... Deciding to wear my hair in it's natural state was not a decision I made lightly. In all honesty, I had been contemplating it a few years prior to actually doing it!
When I was relaxing my hair I would go a good three to four months in between relaxers and only used relaxers designed for little girls. The first time I gave up the creamy crack was because my scalp had a bad reaction to the Just For Me that I was using and had been using for years. My scalp was burned so badly that every time I combed my hair I was pulling scabs from my scalp with hair still attached to it. I knew then that I was done! I knew I didn't want to relax my hair again. I had no idea about how to care for my natural hair. I braided it for a few months and then the ASYMMETRICAL BOB came out. I just had to have that cut... Short in the back, long in the front. I went to a stylist on the upper west side of NYC to see if she could do it and of course she told me that I would have to relax my hair in order to achieve it. Guess what I did, Yupp, you guessed it! I sure did pick up a box of that good old creamy crack and relapsed! I relaxed my hair and the next day returned to get my cut. After all was said and done, because of the way that my hair grows, It wasn't exactly what I wanted but similar nonetheless. I was happy with the cut but it required a lot of maintenance. The salons I frequented always left me looking like a mushroom after I left their salon. I hated that I had to go home and flat iron my hair the next day to get it to look like it did when I first got it done. I was severely damaging my hair. After about two years, my hair had grown back, I braided it and vowed that I was never going to perm my hair again!
October 2010 was my last relaxer and I have been going strong since then! I braided my hair sometime in November 2010 and left them in for a good four months. During that four months I began doing my "caring for Natural African-American hair" research on YouTube, Natural hair blogs and forums, Facebook etc. It was during this time I seen the beauty in ALL natural hair, the different textures, cuts, styles, Afros, curls, kinks, coils, colors etc. I simply fell in love with ALL natural hair! I couldn't keep my hands out of the curls that were growing from my scalp. I was used to new growth because of the time I used to let pass in between my relaxers. This new growth was completely different. This new growth hadn't been scorched with over head and hand blow dryers on a weekly basis! I was elated at the thought of starting a new.
After taking my braids down, I could hardly wait to try all these new styles I seen on these sites. For a good month I tried and failed miserably. My hair was two very different textures. After washing my hair you could clearly see the curls at the top of my head and the limp permed hair at the bottom. There wasn't much I could do with that. So I decided it was time for it to go! After months of "youtube-ing" Big Chops and Teeny Weeny Afro's I was bold enough to do it. Youtube is a great place for inspiration. You get a sense of people real raw emotions. I found so many young African American women on their natural hair journey there. It was amazing, empowering and exciting to see such beautiful women rocking their very short curly, kinky, coiled, natural hair. At this point I knew I had to do it. I was no longer interested in what people would think about my hair. Up until then my hair had been my crown and glory. Everyone LOVED my hair but my hair didn't LOVE ME!. On March 17th (or 19th) 2011 I went to see Ms. Tracy at Agape Salon and told her what I wanted to do. As an advocate for natural hair Ms. Tracy was excited to get started on my hair HOWEVER, she did warn me that it may not be as long as I want it to be etc. she gave me plenty of outs and I sat there scared SHITLESS!!!! LOL... At the end of the day cutting my hair was the BEST DECISION I've ever made in re: to my hair!
2 Weeks Post BC
March 2011
3 Weeks Post BC
Early April 2011
End of April 2011
This what I was working with after all was said and done. This is the shortest my hair has ever been (that I can remember). Kinky Curly Curling Custard was my friend and I think we had a great relationship! :-) I wore my hair in a Wash & Go ALL THE TIME... This was my go to style!
As scared as I was to cut my hair, I had never been more pleased with my hair. My curls were EVERYTHING!
Ladies, if you are considering going natural, do it! The only regret that I have is not embarking on this journey sooner. You will not be disappointed and at the end of the day, It's only hair! It grows back!
Length Check
September 2012
Enjoy! :-)
-- Ms.Quanee <3
When I was relaxing my hair I would go a good three to four months in between relaxers and only used relaxers designed for little girls. The first time I gave up the creamy crack was because my scalp had a bad reaction to the Just For Me that I was using and had been using for years. My scalp was burned so badly that every time I combed my hair I was pulling scabs from my scalp with hair still attached to it. I knew then that I was done! I knew I didn't want to relax my hair again. I had no idea about how to care for my natural hair. I braided it for a few months and then the ASYMMETRICAL BOB came out. I just had to have that cut... Short in the back, long in the front. I went to a stylist on the upper west side of NYC to see if she could do it and of course she told me that I would have to relax my hair in order to achieve it. Guess what I did, Yupp, you guessed it! I sure did pick up a box of that good old creamy crack and relapsed! I relaxed my hair and the next day returned to get my cut. After all was said and done, because of the way that my hair grows, It wasn't exactly what I wanted but similar nonetheless. I was happy with the cut but it required a lot of maintenance. The salons I frequented always left me looking like a mushroom after I left their salon. I hated that I had to go home and flat iron my hair the next day to get it to look like it did when I first got it done. I was severely damaging my hair. After about two years, my hair had grown back, I braided it and vowed that I was never going to perm my hair again!
October 2010 was my last relaxer and I have been going strong since then! I braided my hair sometime in November 2010 and left them in for a good four months. During that four months I began doing my "caring for Natural African-American hair" research on YouTube, Natural hair blogs and forums, Facebook etc. It was during this time I seen the beauty in ALL natural hair, the different textures, cuts, styles, Afros, curls, kinks, coils, colors etc. I simply fell in love with ALL natural hair! I couldn't keep my hands out of the curls that were growing from my scalp. I was used to new growth because of the time I used to let pass in between my relaxers. This new growth was completely different. This new growth hadn't been scorched with over head and hand blow dryers on a weekly basis! I was elated at the thought of starting a new.
After taking my braids down, I could hardly wait to try all these new styles I seen on these sites. For a good month I tried and failed miserably. My hair was two very different textures. After washing my hair you could clearly see the curls at the top of my head and the limp permed hair at the bottom. There wasn't much I could do with that. So I decided it was time for it to go! After months of "youtube-ing" Big Chops and Teeny Weeny Afro's I was bold enough to do it. Youtube is a great place for inspiration. You get a sense of people real raw emotions. I found so many young African American women on their natural hair journey there. It was amazing, empowering and exciting to see such beautiful women rocking their very short curly, kinky, coiled, natural hair. At this point I knew I had to do it. I was no longer interested in what people would think about my hair. Up until then my hair had been my crown and glory. Everyone LOVED my hair but my hair didn't LOVE ME!. On March 17th (or 19th) 2011 I went to see Ms. Tracy at Agape Salon and told her what I wanted to do. As an advocate for natural hair Ms. Tracy was excited to get started on my hair HOWEVER, she did warn me that it may not be as long as I want it to be etc. she gave me plenty of outs and I sat there scared SHITLESS!!!! LOL... At the end of the day cutting my hair was the BEST DECISION I've ever made in re: to my hair!
March 2011
Early April 2011
This what I was working with after all was said and done. This is the shortest my hair has ever been (that I can remember). Kinky Curly Curling Custard was my friend and I think we had a great relationship! :-) I wore my hair in a Wash & Go ALL THE TIME... This was my go to style!
As scared as I was to cut my hair, I had never been more pleased with my hair. My curls were EVERYTHING!
Ladies, if you are considering going natural, do it! The only regret that I have is not embarking on this journey sooner. You will not be disappointed and at the end of the day, It's only hair! It grows back!
September 2012
Enjoy! :-)
-- Ms.Quanee <3
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
To Wash - or - Not To Wash?? That is the question.
So some of you know that I have been on this "get healthy" kick and because of it, I've increased my water intake I try to drink at least a half gallon a day! With that said my bladder is on overload all day which sends me to the ladies room more frequently. Well, about a month ago, while using the facilities at work, I overheard a coworker of mine speaking to someone. My co-worker was in the stall adjacent to me. I'm not sure where the other woman was but it sounded as if she was on the opposite side of my co-worker. As I finished relieving myself, I flushed and went to wash my hands. While the other woman and I were at the sink washing our hands, I realized that my co-worker walked out of the ladies room WITHOUT washing hers!!! In my book, this is one of the most gross things that you can ever do. Now if we were in a VERY public restroom I would care less but this is my CO-WORKER, the same woman who relieves me for lunch EVERYDAY! I was so deeply disturbed by this that I had to share the information with my other co-workers that she sometimes relieves. They too were grossed out by it!
Since then whenever she relieves me I Lysol and Clorox wipe my computer, keyboard, phone, desk and pens down before I reclaim my space. One day she is going to catch me fumigating and I am going to be inclined to tell her that I do this because she chooses not to wash her hands and that I'd rather NOT type after her shitty/pissy fingers were in my space!!!
Apparently it's an epidemic because just the other day I watched another co-worker waltz her ass out of the bathroom without washing her hands as well... Do they not know that cellphones, elevator buttons, keyboards and door handles is where the most deadliest germs thrive? It's just too nasty to even fathom. Do that shit at home... Don't do it in spaces you have to share with other people! YUCK! Would I be wrong to t ell her how I really feel?
Since then whenever she relieves me I Lysol and Clorox wipe my computer, keyboard, phone, desk and pens down before I reclaim my space. One day she is going to catch me fumigating and I am going to be inclined to tell her that I do this because she chooses not to wash her hands and that I'd rather NOT type after her shitty/pissy fingers were in my space!!!
Apparently it's an epidemic because just the other day I watched another co-worker waltz her ass out of the bathroom without washing her hands as well... Do they not know that cellphones, elevator buttons, keyboards and door handles is where the most deadliest germs thrive? It's just too nasty to even fathom. Do that shit at home... Don't do it in spaces you have to share with other people! YUCK! Would I be wrong to t ell her how I really feel?
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Irony...
Isn't it ironic?
Dear Mister,
I miss you. I miss you so much. Who ever coined the phrase "you cannot miss what you never had" is a liar. You've been gone many years now and everyday I miss you more and more. When your birthday comes around I cry. I cry because you'll never receive a birthday card from me. You'll never receive a simple Happy Birthday from me. You'll never see my smile. You'll never know me. I've tried to locate you. I tried to contact you my own. I reached out only to be made a fool of because you didn't want me. I was rejected by you and like a fool I still miss you. What I miss the most is that special place in your heart to call my own.
You should have been the king in my life, I should have been your special princess. Even after all these years thoughts of you and what should have been leave my heart in a state of depression. My heart will forever have an unfulfillable void. You should have been the first man to love me, hold me, kiss me. You should have been the man to guide me, teach me, school me to the likes of these 'no good' boys that courted me. I should have been groomed to be the perfect woman for a man of your kind. All my life I yearned for your touch, your love, a warm embrace. I only wanted to see your smile. I only wanted to make you proud. All I wanted was for you to retrieve me and take me to your castle.
Daddy, I may have never been your Princess but I will always be a Beautiful Black Queen!!! Your void broke me down on plenty of occasions, more than I care to share however, because of the Beautiful Black Queen that I am, I'll always rise. I'll always be a phenomenal woman. So yes it's true I've missed you and yes, at times I still do. The difference between now and then is after years of trail and error I know that I cannot fill your void. Missing you doesn't fulfill it neither does hating you. This is a void that I will forever have until it's completely sewn up.
Still Missing You,
Your Princess Miss Que.
... and on Sunday, July 8th 2012 I posted this to facebook ...
Fathers are supposed to be a daughters first love... The love that teaches her and guides her in finding a mate. What's a daughter to do when she never had that love - her father? She tries to emulate it with men. She either sets standards so high they're unattainable and everyone falls short or set standards so low that she devalues and destroys herself in the process... She unintentionally places her men on pedestals which gives them the power to tear her world apart leaving her abandoned, heartbroken & questioning herself. Frankly, i'm fucking tired of this never ending vicious cycle.
Clearly, the absence of my father bothers me from time to time... At the the end of the day, when it's all said and done... It's his loss, not mine... With or without him... I am STILL a Beautiful Black Queen!!! His absence only added extra bumps in the road but they will not stop me.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Welcome to Quani's World!
Hello Everyone!!! Welcome to my Blog!!! ... If you aren't already... Please Follow Me! To those of you that are, THANK YOU... This blog will be about personal experiences, failures and triumphs. Through it all I promise to make this blog as interesting as possible! :) LOL... See You Soon!!! ;-)
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