Isn't it ironic?
Dear Mister,
I miss you. I miss you so much. Who ever coined the phrase "you cannot miss what you never had" is a liar. You've been gone many years now and everyday I miss you more and more. When your birthday comes around I cry. I cry because you'll never receive a birthday card from me. You'll never receive a simple Happy Birthday from me. You'll never see my smile. You'll never know me. I've tried to locate you. I tried to contact you my own. I reached out only to be made a fool of because you didn't want me. I was rejected by you and like a fool I still miss you. What I miss the most is that special place in your heart to call my own.
You should have been the king in my life, I should have been your special princess. Even after all these years thoughts of you and what should have been leave my heart in a state of depression. My heart will forever have an unfulfillable void. You should have been the first man to love me, hold me, kiss me. You should have been the man to guide me, teach me, school me to the likes of these 'no good' boys that courted me. I should have been groomed to be the perfect woman for a man of your kind. All my life I yearned for your touch, your love, a warm embrace. I only wanted to see your smile. I only wanted to make you proud. All I wanted was for you to retrieve me and take me to your castle.
Daddy, I may have never been your Princess but I will always be a Beautiful Black Queen!!! Your void broke me down on plenty of occasions, more than I care to share however, because of the Beautiful Black Queen that I am, I'll always rise. I'll always be a phenomenal woman. So yes it's true I've missed you and yes, at times I still do. The difference between now and then is after years of trail and error I know that I cannot fill your void. Missing you doesn't fulfill it neither does hating you. This is a void that I will forever have until it's completely sewn up.
Still Missing You,
Your Princess Miss Que.
... and on Sunday, July 8th 2012 I posted this to facebook ...
Fathers are supposed to be a daughters first love... The love that teaches her and guides her in finding a mate. What's a daughter to do when she never had that love - her father? She tries to emulate it with men. She either sets standards so high they're unattainable and everyone falls short or set standards so low that she devalues and destroys herself in the process... She unintentionally places her men on pedestals which gives them the power to tear her world apart leaving her abandoned, heartbroken & questioning herself. Frankly, i'm fucking tired of this never ending vicious cycle.
Clearly, the absence of my father bothers me from time to time... At the the end of the day, when it's all said and done... It's his loss, not mine... With or without him... I am STILL a Beautiful Black Queen!!! His absence only added extra bumps in the road but they will not stop me.
